Dear Crabby: My boss wants me back in the office. How do I deal?

by bsmedia
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bad online advice from dear crabby

Dear Crabby,

Now that the province is opening up in stages, my boss is making us all to return to the office to work.  With the new Delta and Lambda variants claiming the majority of Covid-19 cases, I am really uncomfortable with this decision.  I don’t want to go outside, let alone the office.  How do I tell my boss that I would rather work from home for a while longer?

Home-bound Hubby

Dear Home-bound,

I totally get how you are feeling, and your apprehension is understandable.  I also think people are gross, and I want nothing to do with them for the foreseeable future.

I’d hate to see you penalized for not complying, especially if the rest of your co-workers are falling in line, so my advice is to put on a mask, and go into the office.  However, while your boss has probably been pretty clear about which office they’d like you to return to,  I’m betting your boss didn’t specify which office attire or behaviour is expected. So try going with the same dress code you’ve been using since March 2020.  Wear a shirt and tie to meetings, and nothing else.  Bring a remote control to your meetings, and press “mute”, so that the others in the room won’t hear you say “this is bullsh*t” under your breath. Bring your kids to the office.  Let them behave as they would while at home.  Watch porn at your desk while putting spreadsheets together.  Bring your favourite lotion or lube and go to town on yourself.

If you don’t feel brave enough to try this angle, simply cough at the water cooler, and you’ll be back at home before you know it.

Best of luck,

Aunt Crabby

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