Dear Crabby, How do I deal with my terrible neighbour?

by bsmedia
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bad online advice from dear crabby

Dear Crabby,

My new neighbour is driving me crazy! He’s installed lighting in his yard with one of the floodlights pointing directly at my bedroom window! I’ve tried everything; leaving a passive aggressive note – which he ignored, threatening to call the authorities – which he also ignored, and flipping the bird when walking my dog past their house – they double-birded me back. How do I top that? I only have two hands! Literally nothing has worked! Before resort to smashing that light and all their ugly garden gnomes just for sleep-deprived fun, what advice can you give me?!?


Sleepless Neighbour


Dear Sleepless Neighbour,

I notice you use a lot of exclamation points. You are obviously a very passionate person who is perhaps at their wits end, which leads me to believe this issue with your neighbour has been going on for quite a while. So, before I give my advice, I need to ask you to do some honest self-reflection. Is your neighbour the only asshole here or are you both assholes? I’m not victim-blaming, I’m genuinely curious, do you perchance have some windchimes hanging close to their bedroom? Or is your dog using their yard as a toilet whilst you’re flipping the bird?

What I’m getting at is, is the floodlight the latest retaliation in an all-out Spy vs. Spy type situation or is this completely unprovoked? If it’s the former (and perhaps even if it’s the latter), I want you to take my advice (or don’t. I’m old and I don’t actually care) and then follow it up with a nice gesture to end this bad behaviour one-upmanship thing you have going on. A box of muffins, preferably from a bakery so they know that they aren’t laced with stool softener, for example. And when you present the muffins or whatever, acknowledge and apologize for your part in the feud, even if you didn’t start it.

Now, on to my advice.

Get a mirror. Put it in your bedroom window, positioning it so the light is glaring back at their window.

Voila, problem solved.

Hope you get the sleep you’re seeking.

Aunt Crabby

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1 comment

Jocelyn Armstrong August 13, 2021 - 8:19 pm

Hah! I’m off to Walmart for a mirror!


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