Cat Holds Dog’s Toy for Ransom

by Cathy MacPherson
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literal cat burglar

Ajax – Early in the evening of July 27th, a dog’s chew toy was found missing from its holding area.  We spoke with chew toy owner this evening who reported: ‘I don’t actually HAVE a dog; I bought this for a friend’s dog, and then put it in a plastic baggie to keep it away from my cat”.  The cat could not be reached for comment, but instead, sent the photo, above, captioning it with: “Send CATNIP or the bone gets chewed.  Go ahead and call Paw Patrol – see what happens”.  Paw Patrol could also not be reached for comment.

Lily “The Destroyer” MacPherson of Ajax ON, was out on bail while this tragic and unnecessary event took place, awaiting sentencing for prior acts of stealing her sibling’s toys, clawing every piece of furniture in her home, and not eating the expensive food bought for her.  She is now being held at the Cat Carrier Detention Centre.


More than 24 hours has passed without the safe return of the chew toy, and with no updates from Paw Patrol. The victim, pictured below, has melted into a puddle of grief. Despite this, her human, who is almost as cruel as Lily the cat, refuses to set up a GoFundMe to recoup costs of the dog toy and accompanying emotional distress.

dog puddle

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