Man Fired for Repeatedly Saying “Awesomesauce”

by Darcia Armstrong
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worst coworker ever

A man at an undisclosed industrial services company in Ajax, Ontario has been let go from his job after receiving multiple verbal and written warnings for his use of the word awesomesauce.

Jason Andrew Mathewson, or Jammy Jams, as he prefers to be called, had both informally and formally been asked by his exasperated coworkers, clients, HR and all three levels of management to stop saying awesomesauce instead of widely accepted terms such as yes, sure and okay.

When BS News asked the organization to defend the decision to fire Mathewson, HR Manager Maria Martinez responded. “What is to defend? Do you have any idea how annoying it is to hear awesomesauce a dozen times in a day? Look, we tried everything before severing ties with Mr. Mathewson. We even revised our employee handbook.”

Flipping through the handbook provided by Martinez, BS News found that while awesomesauce was not specifically forbidden, it did fall under the recent addendum, banning all:

  • Idioms
  • Colloquialisms
  • Slang
  • Jargon
  • Contractions

BS news reached out to the Ontario Labour Board for assistance in determining if Mathewson potentially had a solid case for filing a wrongful dismissal. A representative swiftly issued the following response:

“Thank you for bringing this to our attention. We have opened an investigation into the claim that Jason Mathewson has been terminated from employment for repeated use of the word awesomesauce, and we promise we will do everything in our power to ensure that the actions of [Company Name Redacted] will become more than just a rule in an employee handbook, but instead an actual law for all workplaces in Ontario. We are so confident that this law will not only pass but also result in a healthier workplace environment for all Ontarians, that we already have WHMIS creating posters to be hung in plain site at all Ontario businesses. The effects of this new regulation will be positive and far-reaching. Never again will I have to hear Bob from the cubical to my left let everyone know he has some “kids to drop off at the pool” before he takes his fifteen. And that will be great.”

When Jason Andrew Mathewson (absolutely no one calls him Jammy Jams) received his termination slip, he responded, “Uh-oh, wooks wike somebody has been put on the no no list.”

His response, of course, led to an additional addendum, banning all baby talk. The WHMIS posters are currently in reprint.

 

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