Written by Kyle Petryla
After years of sending out unsolicited dick pics Aubrey Graham, 34, of Toronto, lands a wife and dream photography job.
BS News asked Graham about his journey. Graham responded “I think I was 25 when I snapped my first dick pic, you know it was just another Tuesday afternoon and I was looking for a date for the upcoming weekend. So, I thought what better method than sending out some unsolicited dick pics. I started with what I expected to be a sure thing, Instagram models and female run small businesses.”
Graham continued “To my disbelief, I received less than favourable responses and, on more than one occasion, I was even blocked. A rude overreaction in my opinion. Like if they weren’t looking for dick pics to be sent to them, why are they on the internet at all?”
BS news asked, “So, success did not come right away for you?”
Graham responded, “Not at all, in fact this trend continued for years. Me shooting dick pics and nothing but blocks and negativity. At the age of 30, I asked myself, “Could it be me? Am I doing something wrong?” Then it clicked… My photography skills must not be up to par. That has to be it. With such a magnificent member, I have clearly been insulting these women with low grade, low quality photographs. The very next day I signed up for my first photography class.”
Despite BS News asking no further questions Graham continued “School was weird at first, offering no classes in dick pictation but I was committed to honing my craft. In the first term I got a lot of D’s so, I was convinced I was on the right path.”
BS News, desperately trying to get to the point of all of this, asked “How, did this all finally work out for you?”
Graham replied “After graduating, and now armed with professional skills I needed to set my sights higher. I figured this was it, one last dick pic. A dick pic for the ages. I waited until golden hour and set my camera to its maximum burst rate, I took it in my backyard, as previous public shoots had almost landed me in jail.”
Graham continued, “When I saw it, I just knew this was the one. I couldn’t waste this on just anyone, so I went straight to my list of supermodels. When I got to Naama Archanjo, however, I accidentally sent my pic to Architectural Digest since they were so close alphabetically.”
“And I’m guessing that this is when, against all odds and common reason, your luck changed,” asked BS News.
Graham nodded. “A few days later I received an email with a job offer from Architectural Digest saying that it was the most inspiring dick pic that they had ever seen. I have already been scheduled for shoots of the CN Tower, the Eiffel Tower, and the Space Needle in Seattle. After that I’m off to Abu Dhabi to photograph the Etihad Towers. It’s an amazing opportunity that I couldn’t have imagined when I started on this journey.”
When asked for comment on Graham’s hiring, Architectural Digest had said “The dick pic was a masterful composition with dynamic range and unbelievable contrast. Simply a work of art. We had to hire him immediately.”
The big question out there still is, “Is Aubrey Graham still single?”
Graham answered this question jumping from his seat, performing three air humps and unsuccessfully attempting to high five the camera person.
“I am now engaged!” Shouted Graham, unphased by the camera person’s glaring rebuff. “Shortly after the job offer, I had received a response to my dick pic by a Russian supermodel Mila Sidorov, 26, who said it was the most beautiful dick pic that she had ever seen. We have been talking ever since and we will be married shortly as I have already sent her $10,000 for her plane tickets out of Russia, and another $600 because her cellphone stopped working and she’ll need to call me from the airport. and I am expecting her arrival in the coming days.”
Mila Sidorov could not be found for comment.
BS News would like to wish Aubrey Graham and Mila Sidorov all the best in their upcoming nuptials.