By Jordan Kuzyk
Social media is all about following trends. This could not be any truer than when it comes to posting about the miracle of life.
“Everyone is thinking of clever ways to make a baby announcement,” said Jack Donaughue. His wife, Donna, nodded in agreement beside him.
“Then it’s the gender reveal and every couple is trying to be the most creative with that,” she said. “When it comes down to it, this is a cold war. Couples are competing in a baby announcement arms race.”
The Donaughues determined that they only had one option to win the war, and it was to go nuclear. “If everyone is trying to out-do each other, we may as well…do each other,” beamed Donna.
“Donna and I are super competitive, and banned from most rec leagues,” explained Jack.
“I saw our friends had made a baby announcement and that took the wind from our sails,” said Donna. “Jack was devastated. We knew that we couldn’t compete with our friends this time.”
“Yeah, we’re not clever or…whatever,” Jack added.
Through tears, he was the first one to bring up the idea of a conception photo shoot, and Donna was immediately on board. “I started to do that thing where you do it with your clothes on, I got my camera ready, but Jack stopped me and said we had to do this properly.”
The decision was made and the Donaughues would post graphic photos of themselves conceiving to their joint Facebook account, “BigJackandDonnaDonaughue.”
With their plan in motion, the couple set about finding a worthy photographer to shoot the scene. “We searched high and low and eventually found Ivan, he was the only one willing to share in our beautiful scheme,” Donna recalled.
“Yeah, Ivan’s a former crime scene photographer so we knew that he was the only one who had the stomach for it,” added Jack.
Ivan, steely eyed and grizzled, took the job. “They told me what they wanted to do and all of the positions. I figured I’ve shot worse.”
The Donaughues met with Ivan last month to document their quest and got some “real doozies” according to Jack.
“I remember when Ivan sent them to us,” Donna began to tear up, “knowing that we were all involved in something so beautiful.”
“I burned my hard-drive immediately after I sent those photos to them,” said Ivan.
“Probably because they’re so hot,” said Jack, when learning of Ivan’s actions.
“I have seen enough for many lifetimes,” whispered Ivan, his eyes haunted by thousands of ghosts, “I am stuck in a nightmare of my own making.”
The moment they posted the photos that would make Larry Flynt blush, everything changed. Now they are setting the trends on Facebook.
“We’re not going to stop now,” said Donna, “we got so many responses– some of them good!– that we have to keep reaching for the next big thing.”
“Yup,” said Jack. “In 9 months, we’ll be live streaming the birth! I even got a splash guard for my phone!”