Guy Named Ryan Forgets Which Ryan He Is 

by Scoot Laird
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existential crisis man

Written by Scoot Laird

Anyone born between 1980-1990 knows this problem very well: which Ryan is this one? Given that a recent study (of my Facebook) has found that 43% of men born during the Reagan administration were named Ryan it is understandable that it can be difficult to keep track of them all, deciding whether Ryan Peterson or Ryan Putnam will get to be the official “Ryan P.” in a friend group can be a very stressful decision (Ryan Putnam’s dad has a hot tub so he won).

However, this past Tuesday 36-year-old Ryan Gerrity of North York woke up in his condo at his usual 8:30 am time to prepare for his 9:00 am Zoom conference but while brushing his teeth and facing himself in the mirror Gerrity had an existential crisis. “I totally forgot which Ryan I was, people often forget that we Ryans also get confused about how many Ryans there are. It’s not even a name you can really do anything with, ‘Ry?’ be serious” Gerrity opined, “All my life I’ve been able to keep track that I am Ryan Gerrity, even though I have a cousin named that also I could always remember I was the taller one.” But something was different about Tuesday morning.

“Suddenly I am just staring at myself in the mirror and I legit cannot remember which Ryan I am. Like, I am definitely a Ryan, but which Ryan. Am I Ryan Lonnegan from grade six? Am I Ryan Zhao from swimming lessons? Maybe I’m Ryan Hunter from work? I had a moment where I thought maybe I was Ryan Reynolds but then I realized I was using Arm & Hammer brand toothpaste and something told me the Deadpool guy could afford Sensodyne so that didn’t last.”

Thankfully after his third cup of Red Bull and approximately thirty minutes into his monthly peer review session Gerrity was able to recall which Ryan he is. “People don’t appreciate those little name bars on the Zoom screen enough, not only does it help you know who is talking but it also sometimes reminds you that you are you.”

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